why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
