Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
