Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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