Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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