Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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