yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
