She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
