If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
