i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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