I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
