she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
