six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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