If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
