I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
