Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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