I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
