im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
