I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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