dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sponge bath it is.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
