Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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