sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
