one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
