i can't believe i had my finger in that
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's never too late to be topless.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
