You made me cry and you don't even care
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
