I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
