peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
