mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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