she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
