i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
