Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You're like the curious george of whores
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
