my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
