Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
