Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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