I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
