Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
