"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
