Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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