He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
