Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
