at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
