I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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