Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
