FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
