he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
