hotel room ftw
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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