If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
