at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
