dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
