why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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