He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
