**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
