Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
