So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
