Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
