sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
