I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
