so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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