Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
