Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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